god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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