dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
