I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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