I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
3 2 1 whiskey
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
