Where is the hickey?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
