What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
