I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
