Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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