At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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