I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
