Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
