pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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