peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
