having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
