Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
