i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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