Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
