I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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