And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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