At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
