Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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