Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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