My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Randomize
