Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
