Will you blow on my dice?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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