Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
