Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
