dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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