She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
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ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
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its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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