just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
