Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i will never coherently bang her
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
