Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize