What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
