I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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