i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You may now shotgun with the bride
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
