kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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