U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
