No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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