This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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