he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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