I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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