dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
