she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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