buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
