these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
