bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog