Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.