somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
