I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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