just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
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you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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