Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you have to choose: penises or morals?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
