a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
