You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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