Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
