why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
