dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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