It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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