just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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