omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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