I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
