Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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