In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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