dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
