Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
